Step Aside

I am a fast-walker. My legs are set several clicks faster than the average person. I know that I am a fast-walker and I have learned to be patient with normal-walkers. However, shopping in large, crowded chain stores (read Wal-Mart and the mall) is almost enough to make me pull out my hair - or at least ram my cart into the rear-end of the slug in front of me.

I would understand if they were old, or handicapped, or dragging children, but these are able-bodied adults shacheying down the middle of the main drag. They poke along, shuffling their feet like it's geriatric playtime in the nursing home. Sometimes when I sit and watch them, it's hard to tell whether they are really moving at all.

Even worse:
You finally get out from behind Poke-ahontas and check out, and you are ready to get outta there. You find your car and close your door to the unwashed masses and prepare to speed away. Just as you pull out, some dawdling shopper toddles into the middle of the parking row, perfectly preventing any chance of going around them. You think, "So maybe they didn't hear me." So you get closer, in hopes that the sound of your engine will alert them to your presence. No reaction. So you rev your engine a little. You glance ahead - ugh. A good 120 yards left to freedom. Still no response. You begin pondering bumping them with your car. "Just a little nudge," you think, "Nothing to hurt them. Just give them a little start." Still nothing. It is at this point that your imagination escalates as you think of all the things you could do to them with your car to get them out of the way. And all they have to do is scoot over a few feet. Pfff.


Remember: Slow and steady only wins the race if you're actually moving.