Apocolypto Pete Turns Two

He's got more personality than I ever bargained for. He's more stubborn than the average 3-year old. And he's smarter than most 14-year old boys.

Tasty Pete is officially two. In theory, he should be done with his destructive puppy-ways. What better way to commemorate his first two years than to recount the destruction left in his wake?

Taken from an email from Josey, the following excerpt is a perfect example of what I encounter on a daily basis:

"P.S. An unbelievable pile of destruction awaits your arrival in the living room."

Laughing in our faces.

Here is an abridged list of the things Pete has destroyed:

- Toilet brushes. These are his all-time favorite chew toys. I now buy them instead of bones. They double as a toothbrush.

- My debit card.

- THE WALL(s).

- Four pairs of eyeglasses (so expensive!) and at least 5 pairs of sunglasses.

- A screen door...at 3 different residences - one time pulling the frame off the track and into the yard.

- At least 14 bars of soap and 23 razors.

- Seemingly hundreds of pairs of underwear and bras.

- Books, magazines, newspapers, Kleenex, and enough toilet paper to swab the Eastern seaboard.

- My retainer and retainer case (so expensive! and a fine antidote for the orthodontist)

- Several packages of thumbtacks. He opened a package of 360 tacks and sprinkled them in a fine, even layer all over my bedroom.

- Miscellaneous items: incense, a sock monkey, The Word of God, and several Boxcar Children


Though it can be disheartening to come home and find hundreds of rice noodles covering the house, there are some funny stories:

- One day I wandered into the bedroom to find him sprawled on the floor with a box of Q-Tips at his feet, which he was munching out of like a bag of chips. He was actually making the Cookie Monster sound, "Ohmmm nommm nommm nommmm," with q-tips hanging off his chin and out the sides of his lips.

- Another time, he grabbed an Arby's bag in the apartment parking lot without my noticing. As I drove along, I started smelling the succulent, enticing aroma of roast beef. I turned around to find Pete lunching on part of an Arby's sandwich and squirting Arby's sauce all over the backseat of my brand new car.


Here are Pete's favorite tricks:

1. Pinch biting, crotch biting and bootie bites.

2. Chasing our neighbor - recovering from back surgery and using a walker - down the street.

3. Uprooting my mother's prized plant. I can't find the pictures of him rolling in the dirt on the living room floor.

4. Pulling dish towels - laden with bowls, plates, and glasses - off the counter and quietly running away when the dishes shatter.

5. Uprooting my mother's prized plant again and then dancing on my mother's beloved cream couch with giant muddy paws. This one was a real doozy. Josey and I spent hours cleaning up after this one. Also, my mother does not know about this. Please do not tell her.

6. Pinch biting

7. Pinch biting

8. Pinch biting


Despite all this, at the end of the day when he takes a flying leap into your lap, crushing several organs, the mangled shoes, shattered dishes, and littered apartment all fade away as you catch wafts of the fresh, soapy scent of his beard and struggle to breathe.