Report Cards.....C+

Last week, I had to make my first report cards. For the little kids, we aren’t allowed to give any criticism. We can only write positive comments, and sometimes you really have to stretch it. There’s quite a difference between what I wrote and what I was actually thinking.
Example 1:
I wrote: Ellen is a sweet girl and is fairly attentive. She tries very hard to learn new material, and with continued hard work, she will progress quickly.
I wanted to write: I think there is something wrong with your daughter. Not only is she not able to speak a single word of English, but she doesn’t recognize her own name. In fact, today she put her velcro shoes on the wrong feet and wore them all day without noticing.


Example 2:
I wrote: Scott is a bright boy. His verbal skills have improved in the short time I have observed him, and his comprehension skills are above average for his level. He also helps his neighbors when he finishes his work. Keep up the good work, Scott!
I wanted to write: Scott regularly emits deafening screams and shrieks during class for no reason. He thinks helping his neighbors means punching them. He is impossible to control, and he is causing me to lose my hearing.

Example 3:
I wrote: Daniel is an energetic boy and seems to learn quickly. He interacts well with the people around him. He is not afraid to speak up in class. I look forward to teaching him!
I wanted to write: Your son looks adorable, but to tell the truth, he is neurotic. He opens his eyes wide and shakes his head uncontrollably while shouting and shrieking with Scott. Instead of placing him in an English school, you might want to consider having him institutionalized.

Oh, those kids.