Oh, Barf!

Before I left home, several people assured me that Korean food is delicious. I want to know what they ate.

Everyday I try something new, and everyday I try to like something, but so far, everything tastes vaguely like dirt that has been dipped in fire. Most of it is so spicy that I end up crying or feeling like I have just eaten the sun. I guess I should’ve known, since Big Red gum is hot enough to make my eyes water.

However, hands down, lunch at the school is the worst. I can’t believe some of the things that have crossed my lips:
Cold seaweed soup, squid soup, mushroom shreds, dried seaweed, kimchi and fish soup, boiled seaweed, fake crab, spicy cabbage, fishy tofu squares, dried shrimp, dried squid, tiny dried fish, and fish paste cleverly disguised as string cheese.

I feel sorry for the kids because they have to finish everything on their tray. If they don't, they have to sit outside until they finish. I've seriously seen a girl out there 2 hours after lunch working on finishing her little slice of the sun.

At first, when my face turned bright red, my nose ran, and my eyes watered uncontrollably, the teachers were concerned. Now, they think it’s funny. I’m like Old Faithful – come for a show everyday at 12.

On the first day of school, they passed out a snack called rice cakes. The kids were going nuts over them, so I had great expectations. Let me tell you, it was like nothing I have ever had before, and like nothing I will ever have again. Somehow, they take rice, turn it into a firm, moist, dense, sticky, rubbery, pudding-ish substance and sprinkle powder inside that tastes kind of like peanut butter and kind of like dirt. It’s not so much the taste, but the texture, that is revolting.

They served me up a bowl, so I cut one in half, popped it in my mouth, and began my hatred. My instant reaction was to spit it out, but that would be obvious. I tried to chew as fast as possible, but it was too dense and just stuck to my teeth. All I could think was “Get it out of your mouth! Get it out! Just get rid of it!” I closed my eyes, swallowed, and somehow, it all fit down my gullet. I was just beginning to feel relieved when my eyes fell upon my pink Cinderalla bowl, brimming with 5 ½ more cubes. Before I knew what I was doing, I darted to the bathroom, locked the door, wrapped the remaining cubes in toilet paper, and placed the suspiciously heavy package in the trashcan.

Kimchi.

Red. Like blood and fire. Because it is so hot your mouth will bleed.

Dried fish.

Like fish-flavored chewing gum.


Seaweed.

I always figured myself for a seaweed lover. Turns out it tastes like fish poop.

I'm sure I'll eat more freaky and gross dishes in the future, and I will be sure to let you know how those work out.