I’ve seen the Sistine Chapel, I’ve been to the Grand Canyon, and I’ve seen elephants fly, but none of them thrilled me so much as what I saw this evening. It may have been the coolest, most amazing night of my whole life.
The captor of my fascination? Taekwondo.
Keimyung University put on a show where the performers were – get this – students majoring in tae-kwon-do.
It started out with about 75 black belts quietly meditating in perfect formation on the floor. Everyone was slim and neat, with shiny black hair and bright white uniforms. Suddenly, dirty, chaotic dancers took the floor and ruined the perfect, pleasing order. Smoke and lights, loud music, and girls in shiny gold shaking and swinging in an intrusive way replaced the Zen-like atmosphere.
But then, the real show began. They made elaborate human pyramids that were at least 15 feet in the air. Then, they constructed complex ramps made of human bodies. The performer got a running start, jumped from back, to arms, to chest, to shoulders, then jumped off the shoulders, did a flip, and kicked through a board that someone was bravely holding at the top of the pyramid. I’d like to see a cheerleader do that. As though that wasn’t impressive enough, some of them kicked and chopped through boards as they ran up the human ramp, and then broke boards on their way down.
One stunt consisted of a 5-layer pyramid, and at each level someone held a board. The guy kicked progressively higher until he was spinning and kicking through the air like a soccer player stuck in a tornado.
Another stunt lined up 12 people with boards and a guy went spinning down the line, kicking the boards in perfect rhythm. They also did this with 12 individuals, again in perfect succession. After intermission, there were a lot of bandaged feet and hands. I didn’t feel bad for them. They were too awesome to feel bad for.
They had a nunchuk routine, which was absolutely terrifying. They did a hip-hop number, which was much cooler than it sounds. They did a lot of fake fighting, which involved some impressive acting skills on the part of the person being fake-bludgeoned by someone’s heel. It was like watching an action movie in real life. There was even an impressive routine done by some people with Down Syndrome. Then of course, there was the typical block breaking with tall stacks of marble. That was my least favorite part. I was profoundly scared for them. Plus, I think that skill is kind of stupid. Unless of course, you have to punch through a thick marble floor at some point in your life, and then it would be a pretty good skill to have.
But, hands down, my favorite part was when a guy threw 2 apples in the air, did a back flip and kicked the apples as he flipped over. They busted open and flew everywhere. It. Was. Awesome. They also had a line of people who tossed the apples in the air and another line of people who flipped and kicked them to bits, in perfect rhythm, raining down apple chunks on the audience.
The awesomeness of the evening came to an abrupt halt at intermission when a guy in a suit went out and played the pan flute to two sappy pop songs. I wonder who thought that would be a good idea. Luckily, some traditional Korean drummer girls dressed in hot pink brought the testosterone level back up to an acceptable level for the martial arts to resume.
The whole night, people were doing the splits like they had legs made of gummy worms, and they were flying and flipping through the air like little black-haired tidily-winks. The whole show was absolutely incredible. It was like watching Ninja Turtles, gymnastics, street dancing, and cheerleading all at once, if you can imagine. I have never been interested in martial arts, outside of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, of course, but I think I can safely count this as one of my new interests.
Also, please note that Taekwondo is so much cooler when Asians do it.
Also, please note that I am so dumb for not taking my camera.
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