Safety First

As I was walking downtown the other night, I thought about how nice it is to live in such a safe place. And though I never worry about being mugged or stabbed, Korea has its share of dangerous pitfalls. That said, here is a list of the top 3 most likely ways I could be killed and/or seriously injured.

1. Being run down by a food delivery motor scooter on the sidewalk.
I am not exaggerating. This is a very real danger because:
a) There are many, many, many food deliverers.
b) There are many, many people on the sidewalks.
c) There are many, many cars parked on the sidewalks constantly pulling-in and backing up without warning.
The delivery men carry large, sharp-cornered metal boxes filled with steaming food by their sides as they weave down crowded sidewalks, driving their motor scooters one-handed, full-speed ahead between moving cars and people.

2. A simple bus ride.
I don't take the bus often, but when I do, it is quite a challenge. From getting on and off to staying on your feet and keeping your bags/rear end from falling on one of the lucky people to get one of the 10 seats, a bus ride will challenge even the most graceful. Buses are driven like compact cars - accelerating rapidly, braking on a dime, and wheeling around corners at outrageous speeds. There are pretty high expectations of the physical abilities of people riding buses. To catch the bus, you first have to get a running start and swing yourself up and in while swiping your transportation card and making room for the person swinging in behind you, all the while searching for the nearest thing to latch on to because the bus is barreling towards the next turn, and if your feet are not firmly planted and your hands are not grasping something, you will become a human bowling ball, knocking over all the able-bodied 80 year-olds making good use of public transportation. If you push the buzzer to get off, you'd best be ready to jump. The driver opens the door and slows slightly, cuing you to jump - not even people using canes get the courtesy of a complete stop. By the time your feet touch the ground, you are left in a cloud of exhaust as one last person leaps at the moving bus.

3. Having my eyes gouged out by an umbrella.
As rainy season approaches, I am becoming increasingly wary and concerned for the safety of my eyes. People here are not selfish, but they are bullish about walking in a rigidly straight line. They do not dodge people or make way for anyone coming towards them. (It drives me nuts.) Additionally, the metal points on umbrellas carried by the average pedestrian are on precisely the same level as my unguarded eyes. In the evenings, the sidewalks are crowded, with little room to dodge or yield to other people, and so it follows that being stabbed by an umbrella is inevitable.