Buggin' Out

Something about Austin vs. Abilene: There are living creatures here.

In our side yard there are raccoons and at night cute little frogs hang out on the sidewalk and make un-cute screeching noises. On the front window, we have an honest-to-goodness lizard with a puffing throat that makes no noises. On our back porch, we had multiple hornet nests. (Thanks to Josey for bravely extinguishing them by squirting them from the back door, screaming, and slamming the door.)

In our living room is a giant white dog that cautiously walks on the hard floors like an old man teetering over ice. It’s hilarious.

And, in my bedroom, we have bugs. And by bugs, I mean bugs the size of small birds.

Last night, I was on the floor putting some shelves together when one of these behemoths landed right in front of me:

It was like this. Only not conveniently bagged and frozen.

The thing must have weighed 1/8th of a pound. I don’t know where it came from. I don’t even know where one of those could hide. I mean, an efficiency apartment for that thing would be the size of a child’s Playschool kitchen. After overcoming a brief paralysis, I thankfully realized I had a hammer at my immediate disposal. Granted, I had to turn the hammer on its side in order to do more than tap the thing on the shoulder. It was GIGANTIC. And soon, it was in three pieces.

A good five minutes later, its legs were still trying to turn the body over. That’s not an exaggeration. My imagination was a little afraid it might succeed and then wander around recklessly headless, crashing into my legs, sobbing and stumbling before collecting his body parts and scampering under the bed to get himself together.

I know if my mother was here she would say, "It's just a waterbug that accidentally wandered inside." All I can hope is that he was the last of a dying clan. Please, please let him be the last one.

***Update: Disgusting. I just found out this bug is known in polite society as a "Palmetto bug" or in reality, an American Cockroach. And mom, it turns out that waterbugs ARE cockroaches.