Fever Pitch

Anyone who has spent a considerable amount of time with me knows that all things bizarre and wild tend to happen. Until today, I had escaped such a thing from happening.

You see, we had so much fun at the baseball game Sunday that we decided to go again Tuesday. We rushed out of work to meet H & J's friend, Sung, in the subway. Sung lived in Korea until he was 12 and then moved to the U.S. So, he looks Korean and speaks Korean, but he acts like an American. He has the best of both worlds. At the game, we met up with one of Sung’s friends, Something-Something-Kong, who was super cool.

The stadium has a section of seats where they have cameras, cheerleaders - yes cheerleaders - drums, contests, and freebies. We decided to sit here. As we crawled over people, there was an anxious and loud business man saying, “Hi!” and desperately trying to high-five us. I gave him five and sat a few seats away.

Cheer leader (notice the silk shirt and white tie)

This suited business man turned out to be the life of the stadium. He was also the loudest person in the stadium. No exaggeration, his voice carried clear to the other side of the stadium, where his constant antics entertained the crowd. For the first time in my life, I genuinely wished I could understand Korean because this guy was the funniest and most animated heckler I have ever heard. Sung and Something-Kong translated some of it while the crowd roared with laughter.

After a little while, I made it on the big screen. So, I guess I was feeling bold and I said, “I want a picture with this guy.” This was my first mistake. Sung tells the guy, who is all too thrilled. After the picture, he gave me a hearty pat on the back and I sat down, thinking that was the end of that. But no. He stands up, turns to the crowd, and starts shouting. Everyone laughs and looks at me. Sung said he was bragging about taking a picture with me. Then, crazy-man whirls around and bellows, “Where you from?” I tell him “America” several times and then he says, “Los Angeles or L.A.?” as though that is the only place I could be from. I tell him I'm not from there, and his face sinks as he starts thinking. He brightens and yells, “Are you married?” I laugh and shake my head no. His face lights up, he throws out his arms, and yells, “Me either! Me either!! I am not married!!” as though it was fate that our two single souls were to meet and be united in unrequitted love right then and there in front of all those people. Mind you, he is doing this for everyone to see and hear. People are getting a huge kick out of this guy teasing me.

My first mistake

Luckily, this little episode ended as the man made his way down to the stage to become the cheer leader and dance with the cheerleaders. He blew the whistle until he was red in the face. He trained, teased, and cajoled the crowd into uproarious laughter and cheering. The cheer captain asked if he was drunk, and he said he only had one beer.

Teaching the crowd to cheer


Here is a video of him dancing to "I Like Big Butts." Sadly, I didn't get my camera out in time to catch his greatest moves, but I still laugh everytime I watch it.

Now, like all good baseball games, the “Kiss Camera” zooms in on the crowd during down time. But here, instead of finding people who are already kissing, the camera zooms in on people and focuses on them until they kiss. So, wild man, back from leading cheers, stands behind me and starts making a scene, in an effort to get the camera to point at us. I refuse to look at him. I slide down in my seat and bury my face in someone’s shoulder as I turn a shade of red only found in a box of Crayons. The crowd is starting to get into it and are helping him yell and wave, and I am terrified of their success. I frantically formulate plans to slip my hand between our faces, to hide under my jacket - anything. Luckily, time ran out just about the time there would be no more denying him. He was apparently displeased that the camera didn't zoom in because he bellowed to the camera lady, “It’s been 9 years since I kissed!!”

A while later, he makes his way back, and I wait with baited breath as he focuses his attention on me. Soon he shouts, “How old are you?” Here we go again. I say, “23. Two. Three.” His eyes get huge and he incredulously shouts to the crowd, “Twenty three! TWENTY THREE!!" He turns to me again, "Really?? TWENTY THREE !?? Ohhhh!” He then thrusts an open beer at me, and forgetting my new manners, I refused it and refused it, until they told me to just take it. He flagged down a concession lady, bought another and then tried to show me how to do the thing where you loop arms and take a drink. I didn't understand and everyone is laughing and laughing, and I have no idea where the beer he gave me has been, and I keep looking at Sung trying to get him to tell the guy I don’t want to do it. Finally, Sung told the guy I didn’t drink. And how this man’s face fell. I have never seen someone go from so jubilant to so disappointed so fast. I felt bad. But, ever fickle and upbeat, he moved on and offered it to Heather. (Sung said that if people don't drink, they don't usually even go to places that serve alcohol.) Crazy man got rid of the beers and came back and kissed my hand. He heckled some more, gave me some balloons, and left in the 7th inning.

When we left the stadium, the regulars who had been heartily enjoying the show said, “See you next time! You come back, yes?” An old man decked out in gear beckoned us to him to give us high-fives and shake our hands. I dare say we were more watched than the baseball players that night.

When we got out of the stadium, wild man was there and waved me down. He graciously bowed and kissed my hand one last time.

It was the most entertaining evening I’ve had in a long time.

Oh, the romance of it all! And to think, it all started with a high-five and a picture.