I just finished the 3rd round of report cards. I’ve gotten to know the kids well enough to know their personalities pretty well, so it’s easier to find good things to say. Even the worst students have improved in some ways...
Student #1
Though your son only shrieks about once a day now, he did manage to punch out two teeth, stab a hole in a classmate’s hand with a pencil, and draw blood no fewer than twice this month. All in all, I’d say he’s improving!
Student #2
Good news! Your daughter isn’t dumb. In fact, she is really smart. She does, however, need a whopping dose of Ritalin with her rice because she can scarcely focus her eyes on one thing before she is distracted. I would also consider enrolling her in art/fashion design school because she draws amazing dresses all over the desks. They are quite fantastic. I think this to myself everyday as I erase the desks.
Student #3
I am a little concerned that your daughter is not getting enough to eat. Sure, lot of kids pretend that they are cats. Sure, a few kids unswervingly cling to my legs and meow. However, she is the only one to go so far as to repeatedly bite all over the teacher’s body. Perhaps a little beef jerky would ease her cravings for meat.
HAHA! Hilarious!!
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