Motley Crew

I've met a lot of people here. A lot. They are from all over: Canada, England, Ireland, South Africa, the Netherlands, Korea, and everywhere in between. Many of them are older - some old enough to be my parents, some in their mid-thirties, some my age. We have formed a big, loose group. It's really pretty great - and strange.

The older group of people is very unusual... in that they're weird people. A lot of them were out-of-place; kind of social pariahs with nothing going for them at home. Many of them were fired from jobs, some got divorced, some had emotional breakdowns, and some were bankrupt. These things, in and of themselves, aren't strange. The thing that makes them weird? They all have extreme personalities. Extreme.

Some are extremely forceful. Some are extremely passive. Some of them are supremely over-confident, and some are woefully insecure. Some are deathly serious. Some start laughing if you open a can of green beans. Some are so rudely blunt that talking to them feels like having a board of splinters rubbed on your brain. Some have saccharine-laced blood and would never say a cross word. Some are loud. Some are soft-spoken.

Point: When you mix multi-national, atypical, somewhat mal-adjusted, older people with goofy, dumb, young people, you get an extra strange brew.

When the thought of poking out my eyes becomes more appealing than remaining in their company, I visualize a cage match between the two most forceful people I've ever met. I cannot think of a more spirited, vicious, equal match as these two people. I am not saying this to be funny. I honestly want to see it.

Contestant #1: A stout Canadian woman in her late 40's with an authoritative, lurching gait. She's been here for 4 years. We met her at church. She knows where everything is. She is a human GPS, and like a GPS, she will tell you exactly where to go. Unlike a GPS, she will argue with you until her eyes bug and spit flies out of her mouth if you so much as suggest a different route or mode of transportation. She will not be denied. She is tough as nails. I once saw her curse at orphans.

Contestant #2: Another stout Canadian woman. This one is in her early 50's. She is less forceful than #1, but she is much smarter. She approached us by the river one night. She sometimes gives me talks and teaches me how to be demanding and pushy. She is shrewd and sharp-tongued. She has definite opinions. She has frequent fits of faux-rage, involving a mind-blowing display of expletives and rude gestures. Her weaknesses are Yahtzee and her 2 dogs.

The strange thing is that as mean and terrifying as these women can be, they have both been very, very kind and helpful, and I am grateful for them... So what if I'm afraid to hazard direct eye-contact with them?