Day One: The Day We Boarded the Ship (or, the day I suddenly understand the extent of the booming elderly population)

After a nice night in the hotel in Ft. Lauderdale, we were set to board the ship Friday. 
 

Aunt Sara, Aunt Susan, the momster

We were given enormous day-glow yellow stickers with “11:15” written on them to denote the shuttle we were to take to the dock.  We headed downstairs and were met by a group of sprightly retirees, proudly donning their bright yellow stickers. The whole identification method was rather similar to the fashion in which you identify preschoolers on a zoo field trip, using the stickers to send wayward youngsters back to their group after dallying too long at the lion cage. As it turns out, this method is entirely appropriate for the population that takes Holland America cruises.

Pure Tourism.

We arrived at the Ft. Lauderdale port (which is the largest passenger port in the world, and is fascinating unto itself) and were greeted by hoards of older folks, just as far as the eye could see. As Aunt Sara said, “It looks like pudding day at the old folks’ home!”  Some were as youthful and vibrant as the enormous stickers they donned, and some so delicate and decrepit they were likely to disintegrate into a pile of dust the moment their black calf socks were stripped from their veiny blue legs. Everywhere you looked, children of my parents’ age were hollering at their hard-of-hearing, headstrong parents who were tottering off in every direction, apparently just mobile enough to be dangerous.

In any case, Gram knew how to book a deluxe vacation, because we were escorted to the front of every line and zipped right onto the ship, thus avoiding the lengthy lines in the sun.  I have never been on or seen a cruise ship before, and I gotta say, these ships are really something.  First of all, the ship is way, WAY bigger than any building in Abilene - it’s just enormous. It’s decked out to-the-nines.  Lots of gilding and gold and plush, richly colored carpets; fancy elevators; decorative doors and knobs; great attention to detail; a library, a few pools, gym, salon, steam rooms, lounges, stores, restaurants, cafeterias, string quartets, comedians, church services, pianists, guitarists, and on - it’s bonkers.  Now that I think about it, there are probably equally as many amenities contained on this vessel as in the entirety of Abilene.  Behold our room:

 

There is also quite an assortment of unusual chairs, which Aunt Sara is cheerfully helping me document as I sit in each one.

We ate lunch – no, we actually dined - at a fancy restaurant where the waiters pull out your chair for you (my dates don’t even do that*), and place the napkin in your lap. We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring, taking pictures of each other doing silly things, and making our final calls and texts, being sure to send jealousy inducing pictures and descriptions.  My favorite text of the day came from Josey who wrote, “I’M NOT EVEN HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!” and “Billy says he hates you.”  You’re not in the lap of luxury until your brother-in-law despises you.

Though I’ve never been on a cruise before, I’ve generally not been a proponent of them. But, lounging on the plush king-sized bed sipping Champaign as the grandiose bellow-blow of the ship’s horn rattled my bones and resonated in my teeth as we departed, I thought I just might change my tune.

*Which is totally fine with me.