Day Two: The Day Aunt Susan’s Medical Advice Erased a Day Of My Life

I became a bit nauseous at dinner last night.  Aunt Susan gave me one of her sea-sick pills and insisted it would fix everything without a hint of drowsiness. I went back to the room and lay down. When they came in later, Aunt Susan insisted I take another pill, which I trustingly did, and promptly fell asleep.  Throughout the night, I was awakened by the irregular and frightening snoring patterns of the Sisters Starling. Those ladies cut some serious z’s.  Presumably with chainsaws.  Though I could hear them - as no doubt did everyone within the 4 adjacent cabins - I couldn’t roll over or cover my face with a pillow or really, do anything.  So I lay there, paralyzed and awake.  When I woke in the morning, I was groggy and couldn’t make sense of what anyone was saying to me.  Aunt Susan, The Dope Fiend, suggested I take two more pills to combat the nausea I was sure to experience on the tender ride to the island of the day. Too slow to deduce the medication as the source of my wooziness, I took her advice and two more pills, forced myself up, and tried to get excited about my first trip to the Bahamas.

After a quick shuttle to the island, the Aunts and I moseyed along the pristine white beaches, cooed over the crystal clear turquoise water, and parked ourselves in some lounge chairs in the cool shade.  Aunt Sara and I, overwhelmed by the side-effects of our medication, took naps, while Aunt Susan kept our party socially couth by nudging Sara when she started snoring.  There were lots of colorful parasailers, snorkelers, a few boaters, and an abundance of saggy, tanned elder-flesh on display. Apparently, you can also rent horses that have been trained to swim in the ocean, which I was really hoping someone would fork out the dough to try so I could watch.

After a while, the beach began to fill up and our shade disappeared, so in an effort to stave off sunburn, we ferried back to the boat, where I promptly fell into a coma-nap, awaking in time to clean up for dinner at a fancy restaurant.  We later played a ferocious game of Scrabble and returned to our room and chatted until everyone fell asleep.

So, today I learned that I should never again take any medication offered by Aunt Susan, no matter how bad I feel.